When I am an old woman…

When I am an old woman, I will wear Serenity panty liners, so that I can feel fresh when I sneeze, laugh or cough. (Because those kegel exercises don’t work forever!)

I will go to the grocery store at least twice a week and only buy a couple cans of cat food, so that after I’m gone, the clerks can ask eachother “Does she really have a cat, or is that her dinner?”

I will maintain my independence by ordering a Hoveround, (You can get them for free!), so that I can go shopping with ease, and see sights like the Grand Canyon. According to the commercial, I will be able to do those things if I get one!

I will purposely buy thong underwear, so the young man at the register can say “Oh my Gawd, do you think she really wears those?”

I will get the Clapper, because evidently only old women use them!

I will proudly display my AARP card at all the finest facilities, and will start drinking coffee just to get 10 cents off a cup at my local diner!

When I am an old woman, I will wear Serenity panty liners, so that I can feel fresh when I sneeze, laugh or cough. (Because those kegel exercises don’t work forever!)

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