My mom. I miss her. She was many things: Irish mother of the year, beautician, wife, nana, den mother, girl scout leader, a nurse in the army, and the list goes on and on. But, above all that, she was my mother.
We didn’t always see eye to eye, and there were times when I did not always agree with her. However, she was my mother, and she raised us all as best she could. She worked hard raising 8 children in that house with only 4 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. (Looking back, that house seemed so huge when we were little.)
She worked hard at home, and when needed, she worked hard outside of the home. We didn’t always have what we wanted, but we always had what we needed. Did I agree with every decision she ever made, or every punishment she put forward? No. Did I agree with every “harsh” word when she would tell us like it is? No. Did I dare question any of it? No. Did I disrespect her in any way? No. Did I try to “punish” her just for revenge, or make her feel guilty for anything? No. Why? Because she was my mother…..not my buddy, not my pal. And everything she did, everything she fought for, was for the good of us kids. She wanted us to be the best adults we knew how to be. Being a mother does not come with an instruction manual. The last thing my mother and I did together was plan the Roland family reunion in 2001. A few weeks later, she was dead. Love your mother and respect her…..because some day, you may not have her around.
My dream starts in a subway where Spiderman is trying to stop a subway car full of criminals who plan on destroying the earth as we know it. But, it’s not just one Spiderman. There are multitudes of Spiderman clones. The idea is that Spiderman will be underneath the track and he will shoot webs from underneath the car, and the clones will shoot web from all different directions in hopes of stopping the car.
Something goes wrong with the clone webs, and the subway car flips over and crashes into a wall. Spiderman is covered head to toe in mud, so he goes home to clean up after the criminals are arrested. Guess where home is? Yup…right where I am.
He comes into the house and says “Hey, who is that guy sleeping in the bed?” I reply “I really don’t know…he’s just some illegal alien that showed up.” Spidey asks “So, he is from a different country?” And I said “No, a different planet.” Yes, that is right, there was an actual illegal alien from outer space in the house. And by illegal, I mean that he left his planet against their rules, having stolen a space ship and what not. He stopped at the house on his way to find his kids at school….he was exhausted from traveling so far and breathing this air. So, he needed sleep. He had ditched his space ship in some woods somewhere.
Spidey throws his costume in the laundry and I go into the bathroom to find toothbrushes everywhere….multitudes of them, as well as white motel towels and plastic cups. I go to the living room to find people on the couch watching the television and asking for waffles.
I dreamed I was married to Jimmy Fallon and we decided I should take over the Tonight Show for a while because he wanted to be home with the kids. We left to go to taping and rehearsals, and when we returned, someone’s 98 year old Grandpa was waiting outside, and he was cantankerous. After we got inside, my mother called to inform me that 98 year old Grandpa just got dropped off because he was being too naughty during the Superbowl. Then, the doorman alerts Jimmy that my Aunt Donna has arrived. She was pretty famous in my dream, and as I was letting her in, Jimmy had all the kids’ friends dress up in costumes to greet her when she walked in. There were about 20 costumed kids in the living room. Aunt Donna was showing us gifts she had bought for my cousins. A guy who was with her claimed to be one of my cousins, but the jury is still out on that one. Aunt Donna said she missed working and I said “Well, I can get you a gig on The Tonight Show.”
I am at the mall waiting for my daughter so we can go shopping for her birthday treat. I have some time to kill, so I decide I’m gonna be-bop around the mall to get some ideas for her. However, I don’t really want to walk, so I take a spin around on one of those hoverboard things. (Or was it a hoveround?)
She shows up after my little jaunt, and we start wondering around. We stop outside a new bookstore, and I see someone I used to work with. His name is Bob, and he is with the daughter of our old boss. I yell “Bobby!” and he turns around and asks if that is my oldest daughter. I said “No, Bobby, that is my youngest.” To which he responds ‘It’s nice to see her completely mobile!” Well, my youngest wondered what he was talking about. I responded “Well, you see, the last time he saw you, you were always in a cast.”
At that point, she decided to go into the new book store. Not only did this store have books, but it had snacks. Both healthy and unhealthy. We opted for the unhealthy side, and my daughter decided to get a piece of chocolate cake topped with chocolate brownie and chocolate candy shavings.
While we are standing there, the woman behind me is crowding me and smushing me into the counter. I was trying to be nice, stating I could not move, but she just didn’t take the hint. When it was time for me to pick my treat, (I had picked the same chocolate cake…surprise surprise) I tried reaching into my back pocket and got a handful of her ass as she had her back against mine. I had had enough…and I said “Listen bitch, you have been up against my ass this whole time, and I need to get into my damn back pocket!” Then I woke up…probably right before I kicked the snot out of her.
Negan sends his troops out to get their acquisitions from Rick. Little does he know they have planned quite the surprise. I am on the inside of Negan’s camp tending to a little child. Daryl Dixon and Jesus are on the outside. We lure Negan to one of his warehouses, with Daryl on the roof making noises. Once we get Negan into the warehouse, Daryl drops some smoke bombs and all the exits are locked.
Then…..Jesus starts playing “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” by Wham…over and over and over again. Negan yells…”Make it stop! I hate that song…make it stop!” And in between the smoke and music distractions, I grab the little child and start running, because the troops are coming in.
We weave our way through the smoke as a giant truck carrying troops with their gas masks and guns crashes through a wall. They are rooting out any left over Saviors that may be lurking around before they make their way to the being tortured by Wham version of Negan. Negan is now just a fraction of the man he once was, crying, begging to stop the constant playing of that song.
We make it outside to another truck, and yes, they have room for me and the little child. The troops have rounded up Negan and he is properly secured and they have saved him for Rick and Maggie. As we are loading up the truck, we see Rick and Maggie and crew come out of a cornfield with nothing but revenge in their eyes as they head toward Negan’s containment. Perhaps they will feed him dog food prior to seeking justice….. To be Continued…..
A Christmas Eve Story: As I was preparing for my slumber last night, anticipating the arrival of Santa at the homes of all my grandchildren, and fondly recalling all the Christmases of my youth and my children’s youth, a couple of things happened. I experienced some different feelings. First of all, I thought “Oh, it sure is quiet around here on Christmas.” That made me a bit sad. Then, I thought “Oh, but at least I don’t have to stay up late and sneak around with presents. And, I don’t have to get up at the butt crack of dawn.” That made me not quite so sad. So, I finally laid my head on the pillow, and my nose was stuffy, so I reached for my trusty Vicks. In the meantime, my cat, the elusive Ivy May, did something she has NEVER done before. She jumped onto my back and started walking around and then kneading my back with her front paws…you know, the way cats do. As I was attempting to rub my trusty Vicks under my nose…she nailed me right between the shoulder blades, which tickled like nobody’s business…causing me to jerk and whammo….Vicks laden finger poke right in my eyelid. If you have never gotten Vicks on your eyelid, I highly recommend you not try that. If you are attempting to rub Vicks under your nose, make sure you don’t have a cat on your back. Merry Christmas!
I am in the living room of a house. Along with me are my kids, my grandkids, and John Travolta and his wife. Mrs. Travolta and I were chatting away when John asks if I remember when I understudied for Olivia Newton John in Grease. My kids were stunned….they had no idea. “Well, kids” I explained, “This is a well kept secret, but yes, I understudied for Olivia Newton John in Grease….the Sandy role.” John’s wife said “Yes, it’s true…I have seen the footage and the pictures.” So, of course we had to prove it to them.
John Travolta starts singing “You’re The One That I Want .” and we just went into the routine, right there in the living room. Of course we are a bit older than back in the day of filming Grease, but man, does ol’ John still have the moves.
We get to the part where Danny picks Sandy up in the routine and my rings on my right hand (I wear a LOT of rings) get stuck in his shirt under his jacket. So, John Travolta and I are just stuck together. Sad day in my life. Not really.