My dream starts in a subway where Spiderman is trying to stop a subway car full of criminals who plan on destroying the earth as we know it. But, it’s not just one Spiderman. There are multitudes of Spiderman clones. The idea is that Spiderman will be underneath the track and he will shoot webs from underneath the car, and the clones will shoot web from all different directions in hopes of stopping the car.
Something goes wrong with the clone webs, and the subway car flips over and crashes into a wall. Spiderman is covered head to toe in mud, so he goes home to clean up after the criminals are arrested. Guess where home is? Yup…right where I am.
He comes into the house and says “Hey, who is that guy sleeping in the bed?” I reply “I really don’t know…he’s just some illegal alien that showed up.” Spidey asks “So, he is from a different country?” And I said “No, a different planet.” Yes, that is right, there was an actual illegal alien from outer space in the house. And by illegal, I mean that he left his planet against their rules, having stolen a space ship and what not. He stopped at the house on his way to find his kids at school….he was exhausted from traveling so far and breathing this air. So, he needed sleep. He had ditched his space ship in some woods somewhere.
Spidey throws his costume in the laundry and I go into the bathroom to find toothbrushes everywhere….multitudes of them, as well as white motel towels and plastic cups. I go to the living room to find people on the couch watching the television and asking for waffles.
I dreamed I was married to Jimmy Fallon and we decided I should take over the Tonight Show for a while because he wanted to be home with the kids. We left to go to taping and rehearsals, and when we returned, someone’s 98 year old Grandpa was waiting outside, and he was cantankerous. After we got inside, my mother called to inform me that 98 year old Grandpa just got dropped off because he was being too naughty during the Superbowl. Then, the doorman alerts Jimmy that my Aunt Donna has arrived. She was pretty famous in my dream, and as I was letting her in, Jimmy had all the kids’ friends dress up in costumes to greet her when she walked in. There were about 20 costumed kids in the living room. Aunt Donna was showing us gifts she had bought for my cousins. A guy who was with her claimed to be one of my cousins, but the jury is still out on that one. Aunt Donna said she missed working and I said “Well, I can get you a gig on The Tonight Show.”
I am at the mall waiting for my daughter so we can go shopping for her birthday treat. I have some time to kill, so I decide I’m gonna be-bop around the mall to get some ideas for her. However, I don’t really want to walk, so I take a spin around on one of those hoverboard things. (Or was it a hoveround?)
She shows up after my little jaunt, and we start wondering around. We stop outside a new bookstore, and I see someone I used to work with. His name is Bob, and he is with the daughter of our old boss. I yell “Bobby!” and he turns around and asks if that is my oldest daughter. I said “No, Bobby, that is my youngest.” To which he responds ‘It’s nice to see her completely mobile!” Well, my youngest wondered what he was talking about. I responded “Well, you see, the last time he saw you, you were always in a cast.”
At that point, she decided to go into the new book store. Not only did this store have books, but it had snacks. Both healthy and unhealthy. We opted for the unhealthy side, and my daughter decided to get a piece of chocolate cake topped with chocolate brownie and chocolate candy shavings.
While we are standing there, the woman behind me is crowding me and smushing me into the counter. I was trying to be nice, stating I could not move, but she just didn’t take the hint. When it was time for me to pick my treat, (I had picked the same chocolate cake…surprise surprise) I tried reaching into my back pocket and got a handful of her ass as she had her back against mine. I had had enough…and I said “Listen bitch, you have been up against my ass this whole time, and I need to get into my damn back pocket!” Then I woke up…probably right before I kicked the snot out of her.
Negan sends his troops out to get their acquisitions from Rick. Little does he know they have planned quite the surprise. I am on the inside of Negan’s camp tending to a little child. Daryl Dixon and Jesus are on the outside. We lure Negan to one of his warehouses, with Daryl on the roof making noises. Once we get Negan into the warehouse, Daryl drops some smoke bombs and all the exits are locked.
Then…..Jesus starts playing “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” by Wham…over and over and over again. Negan yells…”Make it stop! I hate that song…make it stop!” And in between the smoke and music distractions, I grab the little child and start running, because the troops are coming in.
We weave our way through the smoke as a giant truck carrying troops with their gas masks and guns crashes through a wall. They are rooting out any left over Saviors that may be lurking around before they make their way to the being tortured by Wham version of Negan. Negan is now just a fraction of the man he once was, crying, begging to stop the constant playing of that song.
We make it outside to another truck, and yes, they have room for me and the little child. The troops have rounded up Negan and he is properly secured and they have saved him for Rick and Maggie. As we are loading up the truck, we see Rick and Maggie and crew come out of a cornfield with nothing but revenge in their eyes as they head toward Negan’s containment. Perhaps they will feed him dog food prior to seeking justice….. To be Continued…..
I am in the living room of a house. Along with me are my kids, my grandkids, and John Travolta and his wife. Mrs. Travolta and I were chatting away when John asks if I remember when I understudied for Olivia Newton John in Grease. My kids were stunned….they had no idea. “Well, kids” I explained, “This is a well kept secret, but yes, I understudied for Olivia Newton John in Grease….the Sandy role.” John’s wife said “Yes, it’s true…I have seen the footage and the pictures.” So, of course we had to prove it to them.
John Travolta starts singing “You’re The One That I Want .” and we just went into the routine, right there in the living room. Of course we are a bit older than back in the day of filming Grease, but man, does ol’ John still have the moves.
We get to the part where Danny picks Sandy up in the routine and my rings on my right hand (I wear a LOT of rings) get stuck in his shirt under his jacket. So, John Travolta and I are just stuck together. Sad day in my life. Not really.
I had a dream last night that I had to drive to 414 Richmond Ave to meet up with my uncle Pat. For those that don’t know, that particular location holds a lot of great memories for myself and the rest of this family, as it was an intricate part of our lives. It was my grandpa’s house.
I rush in to find my Grandma Polly sitting in the living room waiting on Pat. “He’s running a little late.” she said. Suddenly, he comes running in the front door apologizing for his unusual lateness. It seemed he had been having a sleep study to find the source of his suddenly acquired, intense snoring. However, after hours of being hooked up to machines, and having experienced, very possibly, the least restful sleep he had ever had (after all, who can sleep hooked up to all that) he didn’t snore once.
He was wanting to show me all the changes done to the house. Off of the living room used to be a bedroom, and that had been turned into a 4 season room with big windows. The bathroom was still just off that room. The main bedroom at the front of the house was still there, but had a big chandelier in it.
As we walked down the hallway, he explained that the tenants were on their way back, and if anyone asked, his name was Harry Ashton, and grandma Polly was Nora Ashton.
We walked into the bedroom at the end of the hall, and much to my surprise found 2 cribs and a toddler bed all with sleeping babies. Then he showed me the main bathroom, which had been made much, much bigger. It had a shower and a jacuzzi type tub installed. suddenly I look up and realize an upstairs had been added, and there is yet another bathroom above us. I see water streaming down, like a waterfall. “Hey Mr. Ashton, is that water supposed to be coming down like that?” I asked. Well, no, it wasn’t, so that was something to notate for when the tenants arrived.
As we entered the kitchen, the tenants arrived, and the waterfall in the bathroom issue was discussed. The kitchen was all modernized and no longer had that red brick effect on the walls. Suddenly, there were 4 dogs at the back door wanting to be let out. As I go to let them out, 4 cats come out of nowhere, so I had to fight to keep them in. The yard was all fenced in, but someone had left a gate open, so 2 dogs got out. We go to catch them, only to find them across the street, and someone else was rounding up loose pets, because a fence had been cut. As I was going to grab the dogs, I was followed by another dog, a pony, a baby elephant and a lion.
I go back in the kitchen and realized I had to leave right away because I had to be to work in 4 hours and it takes me 3 hours to get home. So, I grabbed my Mt. Dew and hit the road.
I’m somewhere, walking on a sidewalk alongside a brick road lined with nothing but hostas…but purple hostas. There are hostas everywhere, lining the sidewalks, in yards…even the cars and motorcycles have these hostas on them. I’m trying to find the hotel where I am staying.
I call my sister. She said “I’m at work, so I can’t talk.” To which I respond “But, where am I?” She said “I don’t know, you tell me.” To which I respond “I don’t really know, but I think I’m in New Orleans.”
Then as I walk past another house, I see a woman get shot by some creepy little dude, who just looks at me, waves and leaves. I call my sister again and tell her “Not only do I think I’m in New Orleans, but I think I just saw someone get shot in the face.” To which she responded “You know, I work in a lawyer’s office, and you just can’t call me at work.” I replied “But you drive a schoolbus!” And she responded with “Yeah, but we park them at the lawyer’s office.”
I decide to go into the house where the woman appeared to be shot, and find someone I went to high school with. We decide to look in the adjacent home, because she thinks it may have happened there. We could not find the woman, nor could we find any blood or proof of a shooting, but we did find a room filled with cat pee and cat poop.
I then say to her “Well, it’s ok, because I think this is just a dream anyway.” We walk outside, and right next to us is a lot full of food trucks. I said to her “Oh, wow…food trucks, we just got those in Davenport, Ia.” She replied, “Yes, I read that, but our food trucks are better.” At a table by the food trucks were the friends that I went to New Orleans with, some dressed in costumes. They saw me and asked “Where the hell have you been?” I responded “Oh, you know, wondering around, looking a hostas, watching someone get shot…that sort of thing.”
I found the hotel, and we went off touring the area on foot, starting out at a mansion that my friend and her husband had been to years prior where he had obtained a lot of old tools and duct tape.