I’ve had some really intensely disturbing dreams this week. Disturbing in the fact that I can’t figure out what in the name of Pete they were all about. (Whoever Pete is.)
Last night though…that was just plain weird. I was visiting my niece, then someone found my coat at a bar, so I had to go and get it. From there I went to interview a pregnant woman who wanted to have her baby on a cruise ship.
Then I went to my parent’s old house to get my car for work. I got there, and it was 11:25 and I had to be to work by noon, but I could not find my car. In the midst of that, my mom had one of the great grandkids in the bathroom, and he pooped so bad she barfed.
I said “Just once, I’d like to be able to find the car I’m driving!” My dad asked me what was going on, and I said…”No matter what car I drive, it ends up missing, like someone moved it.” In this particular dream I was driving the Nova, which had been missing in real life since likely the 80’s. Dad said “Oh, someone finally found that? It’s got to run rough by now.” I said “Yup….I drove it here, and it’s a beast, but now I can’t find the damn thing and I have to be to work by noon.” By that time it was 11:45. So, Dad said “Well, luckily it only takes 10 minutes to walk to work from here.” Mom came outside after puking and said “Walk fast…don’t be late on your last day of work!”
So, I dreamed I knew The Monkees, and they (as young fellas) got booked at a biker bar in the South by an agent. I had to tell them it was a biker bar, and although I know some bikers who like the Monkees, this was likely not that kind of group. Their Agent told them it was a much different venue. The mister said “You know the Monkees?” I said “Oh, sure, I used to talk to them on the phone all the time.” So, while I was getting ready to tell them the clientele was not young teenie bopper girls, I was distracted by something in my daughter’s old room. I went in to find someone running out in this costume….wearing a furry stuffed animal head, with some sort of pillow case attached to where you could not see the arms. This person took off out the door, so I went to find him/her. Only thing I found was some dogs running loose in another neighborhood. A collie, a greyhound and a spaniel. When I got home, my sister Trish was here with tacos and flowers to take to a cemetery. And we were out of mountain dew.
I dreamed I was at my old high school. I was attending classes that I had already attended 40 years prior, so I thought to myself “Why am I reliving high school? I have already done this, so I believe I will just go home.”
So, as I am leaving to go find the bus (because that is how we got around in high school), I hear the rumble of motorcycles. They were antique and unusual motorcycles, some with sidecars, and they were parading through the high school grounds.
I get to the corner where we used to catch the bus, only to find that the bus schedule had changed from 40 years prior, so I decide to walk home. As I am walking, I notice someone is following me so I cross the street. This person follows me all the way home. It just so happens home, in this case, is the home I grew up in, which is a 45 minute walk from the high school.
On the way, in the old neighborhood, I come across a giant snake on a sidewalk. I tell the girl following me to back off, because this snake is huge. The snake comes toward me, and I grab a stick and sling it into the street where it meets an untimely fate underneath the wheels of a car. Just as I think we are safe from the snake, this creature appears out of nowhere and firmly clamps down on my purse. I reach inside the creature’s mouth and grab my purse. When I do that, it shrivels up into what looks like a pile of leaves.
Finally, I make it to my childhood home, (which in real life no longer exists, and has been replaced by a Walgreens), and am thrilled to see it is still standing. Inside the garage I find my brother, who is heading up a garage sale, and trying to adopt out a litter of puppies.
I did manage to lose the girl who was following me.
Not long ago, I dreamed there were about 15 people squatting in the vacant house behind my back yard. About 5 or 6 of those people were inside my yard, drinking beer and having a bonfire. Of course, I promptly kicked them out of my yard. They all retreated to the empty house, and were partying and dancing in the windows and were tearing down all the drapes. They had thrown all their shoes on top of the roof. And they kept jumping the fence to get back into my yard. I immediately called the police, and the dispatcher said “Oh, I have never had a call like this before, so I will have to turn this over to the department that fills out paperwork…please hold.”
In this dream, my family is driving to our vacation spot in the Smoky Mountains, when suddenly, we are caught in this torrential storm. It is raining so hard, and the wind is blowing so bad that I can’t see to drive, so we have to pull off the road. We pulled off near a house, and knock on the door. To our surprise, Dolly Parton answers. I said “Dolly Parton?” She said “Why, yes sugar, it’s me.” I explained our dilemma and she graciously said we could ride this awful storm out with her. She said it was gonna be a doozie of a storm, so we may want to bring in our belongings, because we may be staying a little while. And boy was she right. We stayed all day and all night. She sang songs and read stories to the kids, and got everyone hooked up in the guest bedrooms. The next morning she made bacon, eggs and grits for everybody. Then, as soon as the storm passed, we got to tour her property, and then we were on our way with free passes to DollyWood. It was a great dream.
My dream starts in a subway where Spiderman is trying to stop a subway car full of criminals who plan on destroying the earth as we know it. But, it’s not just one Spiderman. There are multitudes of Spiderman clones. The idea is that Spiderman will be underneath the track and he will shoot webs from underneath the car, and the clones will shoot web from all different directions in hopes of stopping the car.
Something goes wrong with the clone webs, and the subway car flips over and crashes into a wall. Spiderman is covered head to toe in mud, so he goes home to clean up after the criminals are arrested. Guess where home is? Yup…right where I am.
He comes into the house and says “Hey, who is that guy sleeping in the bed?” I reply “I really don’t know…he’s just some illegal alien that showed up.” Spidey asks “So, he is from a different country?” And I said “No, a different planet.” Yes, that is right, there was an actual illegal alien from outer space in the house. And by illegal, I mean that he left his planet against their rules, having stolen a space ship and what not. He stopped at the house on his way to find his kids at school….he was exhausted from traveling so far and breathing this air. So, he needed sleep. He had ditched his space ship in some woods somewhere.
Spidey throws his costume in the laundry and I go into the bathroom to find toothbrushes everywhere….multitudes of them, as well as white motel towels and plastic cups. I go to the living room to find people on the couch watching the television and asking for waffles.
I dreamed I was married to Jimmy Fallon and we decided I should take over the Tonight Show for a while because he wanted to be home with the kids. We left to go to taping and rehearsals, and when we returned, someone’s 98 year old Grandpa was waiting outside, and he was cantankerous. After we got inside, my mother called to inform me that 98 year old Grandpa just got dropped off because he was being too naughty during the Superbowl. Then, the doorman alerts Jimmy that my Aunt Donna has arrived. She was pretty famous in my dream, and as I was letting her in, Jimmy had all the kids’ friends dress up in costumes to greet her when she walked in. There were about 20 costumed kids in the living room. Aunt Donna was showing us gifts she had bought for my cousins. A guy who was with her claimed to be one of my cousins, but the jury is still out on that one. Aunt Donna said she missed working and I said “Well, I can get you a gig on The Tonight Show.”