A Christmas Eve Story: As I was preparing for my slumber last night, anticipating the arrival of Santa at the homes of all my grandchildren, and fondly recalling all the Christmases of my youth and my children’s youth, a couple of things happened. I experienced some different feelings. First of all, I thought “Oh, it sure is quiet around here on Christmas.” That made me a bit sad. Then, I thought “Oh, but at least I don’t have to stay up late and sneak around with presents. And, I don’t have to get up at the butt crack of dawn.” That made me not quite so sad. So, I finally laid my head on the pillow, and my nose was stuffy, so I reached for my trusty Vicks. In the meantime, my cat, the elusive Ivy May, did something she has NEVER done before. She jumped onto my back and started walking around and then kneading my back with her front paws…you know, the way cats do. As I was attempting to rub my trusty Vicks under my nose…she nailed me right between the shoulder blades, which tickled like nobody’s business…causing me to jerk and whammo….Vicks laden finger poke right in my eyelid. If you have never gotten Vicks on your eyelid, I highly recommend you not try that. If you are attempting to rub Vicks under your nose, make sure you don’t have a cat on your back. Merry Christmas!
The Sinus Cavities
With their album “Deviated Septum”
Featuring their big hit single “You Can Pick Your Friend’s Nose”
Also including the latest release “Menthol and Nasal Strips”
Kitty and The Duplicats
Their new album: Catnip and Furballs
Including these hits that never were:
Stop Pussyfootin’ Around
Put Food in My Bowl
Staring at You While You Sleep
Purring til I Bite You
Way back when, in my childhood, we had 8 kids growing up in our house throughout the years, and we didn’t always get a lot for Christmas, but we always got something. We did the whole milk and cookies thing, and mom would have us put carrots out for Rudolf. We’d watch the Santa Tracker on the news. I could never sleep on Christmas Eve, because I was sooo excited! We’d get up at the butt crack of dawn, and our mom would tell us it’s too early, go back to bed. Then I had my own kids, and there were times when they didn’t get a lot for Christmas, but they always got something. They did the whole milk and cookies thing, and I had them put carrots out for Rudolf. We’d watch the Santa Tracker on the news. I could never sleep on Christmas Eve, because I was so excited! They’d get up at the butt crack of dawn, and I would tell them it’s too early, go back to bed. Now my kids are grown, and Santa goes to their houses for their kids. I eat the cookies instead of leave them for Santa, and no more carrots go out for Rudolf here. I don’t watch the Santa Tracker on the news anymore. I still can’t sleep on Christmas Eve, and my grandkids get my kids up at the butt crack of dawn….and I finally get to sleep in on Christmas.
Dave Dude and the Ranchers
Album: Hermaphrodite Heifers
Hit song: Saving Money on Stud Fees
Fifi and the Food Fighters with their new album Pasta on the Wall and Bananas on the Ceiling.
To include these chart bottoming hits:
Taters in My Eye
Flip it From the Spoon
Spittin’ Pea Soup
Kaos in the Kitchen
Off the Grid Gracie and the album “Favors for Food” featuring the hit single “I’ll Stroke Your Ego if You Shuck My Corn”.