A Christmas Eve Story

A Christmas Eve Story: As I was preparing for my slumber last night, anticipating the arrival of Santa at the homes of all my grandchildren, and fondly recalling all the Christmases of my youth and my children’s youth, a couple of things happened. I experienced some different feelings. First of all, I thought “Oh, it sure is quiet around here on Christmas.” That made me a bit sad. Then, I thought “Oh, but at least I don’t have to stay up late and sneak around with presents. And, I don’t have to get up at the butt crack of dawn.” That made me not quite so sad. So, I finally laid my head on the pillow, and my nose was stuffy, so I reached for my trusty Vicks. In the meantime, my cat, the elusive Ivy May, did something she has NEVER done before. She jumped onto my back and started walking around and then kneading my back with her front paws…you know, the way cats do. As I was attempting to rub my trusty Vicks under my nose…she nailed me right between the shoulder blades, which tickled like nobody’s business…causing me to jerk and whammo….Vicks laden finger poke right in my eyelid. If you have never gotten Vicks on your eyelid, I highly recommend you not try that. If you are attempting to rub Vicks under your nose, make sure you don’t have a cat on your back. Merry Christmas!

My Starts With a Dog on the Roof and Ends With The Lost Boys in the House Dream

We’re in “our” house (which by the way, is a house I have never been in before in real life), when suddenly, off to the left of the kitchen the dog is in the little foyer or utility closet.  There is a tall enclosure or cabinet that leads up to the ceiling and he is climbing that enclosure.  When he gets to the top, he shimmies out the vent that leads to the roof.  My husband is yelling for him to come back down, and I go to the door to make sure he doesn’t fall.  Outside the door is my cat.  She comes in and the dog comes back down.

Next, my youngest is a little girl again and we have to leave for school.  The car won’t start, so we walk.  It’s been raining, the ground is wet with muddy puddles.  She said “Something feels weird on my feet mom.”  Then we realize she forgot her shoes and socks!  So we run back home.  Her shoes are in the basement and by the time we finally find them, I have 10 minutes to get her to school and me to work, so we have to literally run.  We seem to have developed superhuman speed, because even though we are running in slow motion, we get both places on time.

Cut to an escalator, which I am on, and it takes me back to the house from the beginning of the dream.  There are cowboys there, and lots of them.  Our friend comes in all decked out in chaps, boots, spurs, coyboy hat, the whole outfit.  “Quick!” he yells “Get my horse!  I pissed off some guys at the saloon!  I’ll cut out early, and you guys never saw me!  Later we’ll meet a few miles down the road.”  He then takes off on his horse, but they get trapped in the mud and the horse sinks into what appears to be quicksand or a sinkhole.  Our friend tries to pull his horse out, but something swallows the horse up whole, with the exception of his head.  He comes back, totally freaking out, “Something killed my horse!”  So, with the sounds of the pissed off cowboys getting closer, we have to hide him in the basement.

Cut to the living room.  The cowboys are gone, the dog isn’t on the roof, and the cat is in the house.  We are watching a movie.  It’s like a cross between a horror movie, the Walking Dead,  the X Men and the movie Hook.  It begins with a band of mutant superheroes assigned to secure and guard an enclosure filled with criminal zombies.  Suddenly a young woman is kidnapped  by a band of evil-doers who are keeping her in the woods for some ritualistic ceremony that obviously required the use of a young woman in a halter top and shorty shorts.  She screams and screams “Somebody help me!”  A mutant superhero who is helping construct a gate for the enclosure hears her screams.  He is torn….does he fulfill his duties or go save the damsel in distress?  For if he leaves, someone will surely find out.  So, he devises a plan.  Since he is super fast, and will be back in practically no time at all, he builds a dummy out of his clothes and a fence post.  Then he goes off to save the girl.

He finds the girl and is observing the evil-doers that have her.  There are many, possibly too many for one mutant superhero.  He is thinking he will need some help.  Suddenly The Lost Boys from the movie Hook come upon him and they agree to help.  The scene then jumps from the television and the set is in my house.  The Lost Boys are swinging on vines, shooting the bad guys with tomato guns, hitting them in the heads with coconuts.  The mutant superhero finds the girl, saves her, and the evil-doers are defeated by the Lost Boys.  Mutant superhero takes the girl back to his post, and nobody even knows he was gone.

The movie set is gone from the living room, I check the mail, and then go through a box that I received to find socks, a tee shirt and a pair of shorts.  The end.

My Jimmy Fallon in a green housecoat at the mall dream

I’m Jimmy Fallon’s secretary, and screening his calls and visitors.  In the hotel lobby, his personal assistant shows up with a green housecoat that she found at the Goodwill.  She’s thrilled, because she knows it will be perfect for his skit.  You see, the one he had for the skit got ruined somehow, and she had to find a replacement.  It is hideous….short sleeves, big pockets….and the color of baby food peas.  He loves it….puts it on, with rollers and a scarf…it’ll be perfect.  Fast forward to the bridge between the hospitals where I used to work, where we make our trek to the studio through the massive crowd of fans chanting “Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy Fallon!”.  (yes, he’s still in the housecoat) After walking for what seems like miles, we reach a door where the security guard lets Jimmy through.  I, however have become stuck in the midst of the fans, until I finally break through and get to the door.  “Hey, it’s me Jimmy’s secretary.” I tell the guard.  “I gotta catch up to him, because I have all his notes etc.”  Well, the guard lets me in and suddenly I’m in what looks like a shopping mall.  He walks me down the mall a way, then points me  down the hallway.  At a point in the hallway, the mall breaks off into five different directions.  I asked which way do I go, and he says “It’s easy little lady.  You simply go to the picture of John Wayne, then take that immediate right and you will be at the studio.”  I found no picture of John Wayne, but did find myself suddenly in the fanciest bathroom I have ever seen.  At that moment, my cat jumped on my head and woke me up.

Lestat the Vampire Cat

Lestat the pussy vampire cat

Intimidating in his size

At first glance this vampire cat

Will cast fear into your eyes

But looks can be deceiving

As the ferrets cause him to hide

And Lennon the tiny puppy

Makes him tremble inside

The thought of blood makes him cringe

So he won’t bite your neck

What kind of vampire cat is he

He is a nervous wreck

Lestat the pussy vampire cat

Intimidating in his size

At first glance this vampire cat

Will cast fear into your eyes

Taffy OKelly 2-1-14