My Jimmy Fallon Tonight Show Dream

I dreamed I was married to Jimmy Fallon and we decided I should take over the Tonight Show for a while because he wanted to be home with the kids.  We left to go to taping and rehearsals, and when we returned, someone’s 98 year old Grandpa was waiting outside, and he was cantankerous.  After we got inside, my mother called to inform me that 98 year old Grandpa just got dropped off because he was being too naughty during the Superbowl.  Then, the doorman alerts Jimmy that my Aunt Donna has arrived.  She was pretty famous in my dream, and as I was letting her in, Jimmy had all the kids’ friends dress up in costumes to greet her when she walked in.  There were about 20 costumed kids in the living room.  Aunt Donna was showing us gifts she had bought for my cousins.  A guy who was with her claimed to be one of my cousins, but the jury is still out on that one.  Aunt Donna said she missed working and I said “Well, I can get you a gig on The Tonight Show.”

My Walking Dead Let’s Ambush Negan Dream

Negan sends his troops out to get their acquisitions from Rick.  Little does he know they have planned quite the surprise.  I am on the inside of Negan’s camp tending to a little child.  Daryl Dixon and Jesus are on the outside.  We lure Negan to one of his warehouses, with Daryl on the roof making noises.  Once we get Negan into the warehouse, Daryl drops some smoke bombs and all the exits are locked.

Then…..Jesus starts playing “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” by Wham…over and over and over again.  Negan yells…”Make it stop!  I hate that song…make it stop!”  And in between the smoke and music distractions, I grab the little child and start running, because the troops are coming in.

We weave our way through the smoke as a giant truck carrying troops with their gas masks and guns crashes through a wall.   They are rooting out any left over Saviors that may be lurking around before they make their way to the being tortured by Wham version of Negan.  Negan is now just a fraction of the man he once was, crying, begging to stop the constant playing of that song.

We make it outside to another truck, and yes, they have room for me and the little child.  The troops have rounded up Negan and he is properly secured and they have saved him for Rick and Maggie.  As we are loading up the truck, we see Rick and Maggie and crew come out of a cornfield with nothing but revenge in their eyes as they head toward Negan’s containment.  Perhaps they will feed him dog food prior to seeking justice…..  To be Continued…..

 

 

 

 

My I can’t use this bathroom because a gorilla is loose dream

I am standing in my living room, but everything has been moved around.  My curio cabinet is in the middle of the room, tipped over and half it’s size.  The fireplace is over by the kitchen doorway, and the tv is where the curio cabinet used to be, only it’s in pulled out away from the wall about 3 feet.  I can’t quite figure out who did it, and nobody will admit to it.  So, I decide I’m going to go into the bathroom to take a shower.

I leave my living room and suddenly I am in the hallway of another building, looking for my bathroom.  There are people wandering around, and point me in the direction of my bathroom which is in this other building.  While entering the bathroom, I see someone walking a young gorilla.  “What is this place?” I ask, and am told that it is a place for special gorillas who learn to communicate with sign language.  Essentially, it is gorilla college.

As I close the bathroom door behind me, I realize I am in my parents’ old bathroom.  I thought to myself this is fine because I know this bathroom.  Suddenly, there is an alarm going off.  This giant gorilla, who was called Kong…(go figure)…got loose, and he’s scared and he’s ginormous.  Well, that’s just great because I can’t possibly take a shower with a giant gorilla running around.

So, I run back to my living room and say “Ok, we gotta go.  The only place I can take a shower is in Port Byron, IL.”  So, we jump in the car and drive.  On the way, we have discovered that the highway is leading to unknown territory and all the signs are gone.  We have no idea where we are going, and I said “Great…how the hell am I gonna get my shower now?”

I ended up in my parents’ old basement where, lo and behold there was a shower.  Not only was there a shower, but there was also a secret room way in the back of the basement where people would go to work.

I had peanut butter before I went to sleep.

I don’t even know what to call this dream!

This dream starts with me going to my friend’s camper.  I call for directions, and I’m on my way, but we end up meeting elsewhere.  Instead of her camper, we end up meeting at this really old, big white house.  It’s more like a mansion than a house.  Sitting at the huge table in the glorious dining room, we are discussing our plans for the day.  Suddenly she points out the houses through the window behind her.

“You see that grey house?” she asks me.  “Well, there’s a man starving in that house.  He’s a veteran waiting on his benefits.  It will be another 2 or 3 weeks before he gets them.  Right now all he has is a bag of potato chips, a loaf of bread, some butter and some kind of fruit.”  I respond, “Well, then, we must go get him some groceries at Hy-Vee.”

As we are preparing to leave,  the french door to the dining area flies open, and my friend stands up.  She’s wearing a yellow dress, and suddenly she looks very very thin.  I said “You look awfully skinny?  Did you lose weight? Are you sick?”  She said “Yeah, I lost about 60 pounds, except for in my left arm.  I can’t lose any weight in my left arm.”  And sure enough, her left arm is not as thin as her right arm.

We go out into the next room, and my ex husband comes out with a medical record for my daughter, demanding to know what the hell kind of medication she was prescribed.  I look at it and say “Hey, asshole, this is migraine medicine.”  To which he responded “Oh.”

Then we are on our way to the grocery store, when suddenly, we are watching something, either on a screen or on a stage.  There is a stream with a crushed empty beer can at the bottom, and a man’s voice coming from it “Son, son, is that you son?”  Off to the right of that can is another empty beer can who responds “Well, who the hell are you?”  The first can voice responds “I am your father.  I left you and your mother 15 years ago.”

It is at that point, that we are left to come up with the story line of why the father beer can voice left the son beer can voice and his mother.

My Tastee Freeze Biotch Give Me Back My $10.00 Dream

So I had a dream that took place in the mall. I should have known right then this would not be a good dream, since I absolutely HATE the mall.

I am there to meet some folks from an organization that I am in for lunch/meeting.  I am wondering around trying to find a place to eat.  What I really want is Chick-fil-a, but I come across a Tastee Freeze.  I was very excited by that, since there hadn’t been one there since I was a young mall employee.  So, I decide to order from there.

There is one gal working there and she takes my order.  It was a simple order really, consisting of a cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate shake.  How hard could it be?  Well, she takes my order, gives me my total, and I give her a ten dollar bill.  So, in turn, she gives me change for $100.00.  I said “Oh, but I gave you a ten, not a hundred.”  She looks at me confused and says ok, and she takes the money back.  Then, she starts taking other orders and filling those.  However, mine has not been taken care of yet, nor have I gotten back my correct change.  It has been 10 minutes.  Suddenly, the gal says “Oh, we are out of napkins….I gotta run to Walgreens.”  I said “But what about my order?”  And off to Walgreens she runs.

She comes back, and the Tastee Freeze is not in a kiosk in the middle of the mall.  I say to her “Listen….I have been waiting almost half an hour for my simple order AND my correct change!  Now, THIS time, you give me my ten dollars back, and I am leaving, because NOBODY should have to wait this long.”  She said “I can’t, I have to do this first.”  Suddenly, she is photographing someone’s baby.  As soon as she’s done, she hands me what she claims is my money, but to my surprise, it is 2 dirty napkins!  I had enough at that point, and I told everyone there (including a preacher who walked up to the counter), NOT to order here, and told them “I have been waiting for 30 minutes, and gotten nothing!  I asked for my money back, and she hasn’t given me anything yet….she owes me ten dollars!  Take your business elsewhere!”  Then I inform her I have contacted mall security because she tried to pass of 2 napkins (and used ones at that) as my money.

I then looked at her and said “Biotch, give me back my ten dollars!”

My Nobody Listens When a Gatling is About to Misfire Dream

While on a bus tour (guided by Dean Butler of Little House on the Prairie fame) we stop at a tourist attraction, where the owner (John Schneider) resides with his very elderly, ill mother.  This place has a plethora of historical items, one in particular being an old gatling gun.  The Dean Butler character (Name Ben in this dream) is showing someone how to use this gatling gun, which supposedly does not work any longer.

John Schneider character (Didn’t catch his name) got called away from the tour by his mother.  Dean Butler (Ben) had to take someone back to the bus.  That left me in charge…oh boy.

A young fella was looking at the old gatling gun, and found something and put it in the gun, and something fell off the gun.  Turns out, the something he put in the gun was some old “dead” ammo, and whatever fell off the gun made the cylinder start spinning. It would spin, then stop, then spin then stop.

I alerted someone to go get Ben (Dean Butler) but nobody could find him, and then I sent someone to get John Schneider’s character, and he was recasting his mother’s leg.  But he said, “On the off chance that that ammo isn’t dead or blank, get everyone out of there.”

So, I start screaming at everyone to get back, because they are not entirely sure this gun is indeed non functional, and if it does go off, it will kill everyone and destroy everything.  Everyone just keeps shopping, and more busloads are coming.  I get one crowd dispersed and another shows up.  And no matter how many times I scream, they just look at me and keep shopping.  They just won’t listen!  I finally said “What the heck is wrong with you freaking people!  If that ammo is live, and it gets into that chamber, and it successfully discharges….you are all gonna be hamburger!  It’s a damn gatling gun…don’t you watch old westerns?”

Suddenly a voice comes out of nowhere….”A gatling gun?  You got a rogue gatling gun?  I believe I can fix that.”  And out of that nowhere comes Slim Pickens, who very calmly and slowly, but precisely, gets the gatling gun dismantled.  And he said “Well, it’s a good thing I came along little lady…..because some of this ammo is still alive….another few rounds and these idiots would have all been blown to pieces.”

 

 

My George Clooney owns a Pet Pharmacy Dream

I have to go to the new pet pharmacy in town to get my pets some medication.  It’s the grand opening, and when I arrive, there are several people waiting in line.  There’s a sign hanging that says “Out to lunch, be back in 1 hour”.  Everyone has been waiting for 45 minutes.  Amazingly, it’s all women.  So, I ask why didn’t they just go home and then come back later.  The response was “Because the owner/pharmacist is George Clooney!”  Well, of course I am thinking they are off their rockers.  But lo and behold, in 15 minutes the doors open and there is George, in a white pharmacy coat, with his pocket protector and pens in his pocket.  So, I say to him….”What on earth are you doing?”   His reponse…”I thought it was time for a change.”  So, he gets me my dog’s heartworm medicine, and I go on my way, fighting my way through the crowd of women, half of whom don’t even have pets.