This dream starts off in a beautiful house, with a lovely front porch, big kitchen, living room, fireplace….you name it, it’s got it. I am there with my family, and my bodyguard/boyfriend (or are we married?) Detective Hotch from Criminal Minds BAU unit. Oh, and kids…there’s lots of kids in the house.
Suddenly, a news report comes on my lovely flat screen tv built into the wall of my kitchen. There is an APB out for a man who kidnapped and killed an older couple and stole their camper. He is suspected of being in our area and is armed and dangerous.
2 of the kids had just left to run across the block to go to a neighbors, so naturally when we saw this, I decided I needed to go get them. On the way, I hear a muffled voice crying, and look to my right, and the suspect has one of the girls on the grass, his hand over her mouth. He’s telling her to be quiet and he does not like to hurt children. I yell to him “Hey, asshole! You want someone? Come and get me!” So, he does, and he’s got a knife. Well, it’s actually more like a sickle, since it’s a curved blade. With it held to my head, and his arm firmly around my neck and shoulder area, we move to my porch and the front door.
He yells for Hotch….”Hotch…I got your wife! You come to the front door, or I will cut her face up!” Hotch tries talking through the intercom system first, but to no avail. Finally he comes to the door, and ends up trying to take a shot, but the bullet would not penetrate the glass on the door. (Damn bullet proof glass!) We continue to stand outside the door, the sickle to my head. Whatever he wants, he won’t let me go until he gets it.
I remember him telling the girl he doesn’t like to hurt children, so I use that to my advantage. “You cannot hurt me, or kill me.” I said. “I have all these children to take care of. There are 10 of them in there depending on me, the youngest of which is 1 year old. If you hurt me, you will be hurting them. Do you really want to hurt those 10 children?” I kept driving that into his head. Finally he said he would let me go, if he could get some food…he wanted supplies of what he called mood food. He needed to feed his mood, and he needed to get out of there, so he wanted to be completely ignored, so he could go off in the camper and find more old people to kidnap and kill.
Just as I was prepared to enter the house, I hear a thud behind me. He had been shot with a slingshot that another kid had, and felled by a big rock to his back. He was then hauled away by the BAU.
Inside, I got a card from Hotch, with 2 tickets to the mountains. I saved a bunch of people that day, and I take care of all these kids so we were going away for a weekend.
Oh, life is good when you are married to Detective Hotchner.
Yes, I had cheese before I went to bed last night.
Fifi and the Food Fighters with their new album Pasta on the Wall and Bananas on the Ceiling.
To include these chart bottoming hits:
Taters in My Eye
Flip it From the Spoon
Spittin’ Pea Soup
Kaos in the Kitchen
Amy Roloff is in her new venue on the Roloff farm checking out the new sound system, when suddenly she breaks out into Pink’s “Just You and Your Hand Tonight”. Then, she loads everyone into the big camper so that we can all make our way to the campground that is approximately 90 miles from where we were.
We drive and drive and eventually we end up at a mall in the middle of nowhere. We are all walking around looking for the food court, which evidently does not exist anymore. Some of us get separated and I find myself in JC Penney’s with my real life good friend and children’s author R Phillip Prince. (Author of “Mouse in the Viking’s Beard”..check it out) I say “Hey, Phil, do you know where everyone went? We have to find that camper, lest we be stranded here forever.” So, Phil, who evidently decided to get an ornery streak said “Yup, let’s go!” and starts running. I try to keep up and finally track him through the furniture department, where he hid behind a chair. He jumped out and yelled “Gotcha Taffy!” I then chase him again down a hallway and through a door to the elevators, but can’t find him at all. I yell “Come on Phil, this isn’t funny anymore!” and then go back out the door to see if I missed him.
In the meantime, Phil came through another door and couldn’t find me so hopped on the elevator to the 4th floor to find the camper. I get on next elevator to try and catch up, for fear I am forever stranded at a JC Penney at a mall with no food court in the middle of nowhere.
Then, suddenly, I found myself awake walking into the bathroom.
Yes, I really dream this stuff…who could make it up?