I am talking to a man, who looks familiar, but I can’t quite put my finger on who he is. It turns out, he is traveling incognito. Suddenly, on a screen, appears 2 pictures of Arnold Schwarzenegger. One picture of how he looks today, and one of his much younger self, with both poses being from his Terminator nude scene. I look over at the man and say “I thought you looked familiar. That’s you, isn’t it?” He said “Yes, I am one in the same. Although if you will notice, I have a few more wrinkles on my backside now than in 1984.”
He’s in talks for a new movie with Jamie Lee Curtis, reprising their spy roles from True Lies, and he invites me along to the meeting. The meeting is in this big, fancy hotel, the kind of hotel that only rich people can afford to stay in. After meeting with and talking to Jamie, Arnold, the writers and other staff, I am offered a job. It seems Arnold has told everyone that during our discussion, he was able to determine that I had a creative streak in me, and was a bit of a ham. So, I was offered the opportunity to assist with the script and also to act in the movie.
Just as I had accepted the offer, my son and brothers come walking down the hall. “Hey, are you ready to check out of this place yet? We have to leave” They say. So, we go to the front desk to check out, and when we leave, they ask “Where did you park your car?” I said “What do you mean my car? I didn’t drive here. Where’s your car?” So, we commence to the parking lot, which has turned into a giant field of grass. There is but one lonely little car out in the north forty, and evidently it’s mine because they said “Oh, there’s your car! Why the hell did you park all the way out here?”
We then drive to the house us kids grew up in (Which, by the way no longer exists, it was torn down in 2000) where we find our dad getting ready to go sit out front. (Keep in mind, dad died in 2007.) While he is out front, we hear noises outside the front porch. We look outside to find some strangers arguing and trying to get into the house. They ran off when they saw us kids. Suddenly, we think, where the heck is dad? Did they take him? So we frantically look and look, but to no avail.
Suddenly mother shows up with one of the blonde grandkids. (Mother died in 2001.) She said “Where’s your father?” We call his cell phone, and he’s down at the tavern buying candy bars for us. We said “Oh, we thought those strangers took you. You better get home! Mom’s here with one of the grandkids, and boy are you gonna be in trouble!”
I’m Jimmy Fallon’s secretary, and screening his calls and visitors. In the hotel lobby, his personal assistant shows up with a green housecoat that she found at the Goodwill. She’s thrilled, because she knows it will be perfect for his skit. You see, the one he had for the skit got ruined somehow, and she had to find a replacement. It is hideous….short sleeves, big pockets….and the color of baby food peas. He loves it….puts it on, with rollers and a scarf…it’ll be perfect. Fast forward to the bridge between the hospitals where I used to work, where we make our trek to the studio through the massive crowd of fans chanting “Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy Fallon!”. (yes, he’s still in the housecoat) After walking for what seems like miles, we reach a door where the security guard lets Jimmy through. I, however have become stuck in the midst of the fans, until I finally break through and get to the door. “Hey, it’s me Jimmy’s secretary.” I tell the guard. “I gotta catch up to him, because I have all his notes etc.” Well, the guard lets me in and suddenly I’m in what looks like a shopping mall. He walks me down the mall a way, then points me down the hallway. At a point in the hallway, the mall breaks off into five different directions. I asked which way do I go, and he says “It’s easy little lady. You simply go to the picture of John Wayne, then take that immediate right and you will be at the studio.” I found no picture of John Wayne, but did find myself suddenly in the fanciest bathroom I have ever seen. At that moment, my cat jumped on my head and woke me up.