I am at the mall waiting for my daughter so we can go shopping for her birthday treat. I have some time to kill, so I decide I’m gonna be-bop around the mall to get some ideas for her. However, I don’t really want to walk, so I take a spin around on one of those hoverboard things. (Or was it a hoveround?)
She shows up after my little jaunt, and we start wondering around. We stop outside a new bookstore, and I see someone I used to work with. His name is Bob, and he is with the daughter of our old boss. I yell “Bobby!” and he turns around and asks if that is my oldest daughter. I said “No, Bobby, that is my youngest.” To which he responds ‘It’s nice to see her completely mobile!” Well, my youngest wondered what he was talking about. I responded “Well, you see, the last time he saw you, you were always in a cast.”
At that point, she decided to go into the new book store. Not only did this store have books, but it had snacks. Both healthy and unhealthy. We opted for the unhealthy side, and my daughter decided to get a piece of chocolate cake topped with chocolate brownie and chocolate candy shavings.
While we are standing there, the woman behind me is crowding me and smushing me into the counter. I was trying to be nice, stating I could not move, but she just didn’t take the hint. When it was time for me to pick my treat, (I had picked the same chocolate cake…surprise surprise) I tried reaching into my back pocket and got a handful of her ass as she had her back against mine. I had had enough…and I said “Listen bitch, you have been up against my ass this whole time, and I need to get into my damn back pocket!” Then I woke up…probably right before I kicked the snot out of her.
So I had a dream that took place in the mall. I should have known right then this would not be a good dream, since I absolutely HATE the mall.
I am there to meet some folks from an organization that I am in for lunch/meeting. I am wondering around trying to find a place to eat. What I really want is Chick-fil-a, but I come across a Tastee Freeze. I was very excited by that, since there hadn’t been one there since I was a young mall employee. So, I decide to order from there.
There is one gal working there and she takes my order. It was a simple order really, consisting of a cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate shake. How hard could it be? Well, she takes my order, gives me my total, and I give her a ten dollar bill. So, in turn, she gives me change for $100.00. I said “Oh, but I gave you a ten, not a hundred.” She looks at me confused and says ok, and she takes the money back. Then, she starts taking other orders and filling those. However, mine has not been taken care of yet, nor have I gotten back my correct change. It has been 10 minutes. Suddenly, the gal says “Oh, we are out of napkins….I gotta run to Walgreens.” I said “But what about my order?” And off to Walgreens she runs.
She comes back, and the Tastee Freeze is not in a kiosk in the middle of the mall. I say to her “Listen….I have been waiting almost half an hour for my simple order AND my correct change! Now, THIS time, you give me my ten dollars back, and I am leaving, because NOBODY should have to wait this long.” She said “I can’t, I have to do this first.” Suddenly, she is photographing someone’s baby. As soon as she’s done, she hands me what she claims is my money, but to my surprise, it is 2 dirty napkins! I had enough at that point, and I told everyone there (including a preacher who walked up to the counter), NOT to order here, and told them “I have been waiting for 30 minutes, and gotten nothing! I asked for my money back, and she hasn’t given me anything yet….she owes me ten dollars! Take your business elsewhere!” Then I inform her I have contacted mall security because she tried to pass of 2 napkins (and used ones at that) as my money.
I then looked at her and said “Biotch, give me back my ten dollars!”
Amy Roloff is in her new venue on the Roloff farm checking out the new sound system, when suddenly she breaks out into Pink’s “Just You and Your Hand Tonight”. Then, she loads everyone into the big camper so that we can all make our way to the campground that is approximately 90 miles from where we were.
We drive and drive and eventually we end up at a mall in the middle of nowhere. We are all walking around looking for the food court, which evidently does not exist anymore. Some of us get separated and I find myself in JC Penney’s with my real life good friend and children’s author R Phillip Prince. (Author of “Mouse in the Viking’s Beard”..check it out) I say “Hey, Phil, do you know where everyone went? We have to find that camper, lest we be stranded here forever.” So, Phil, who evidently decided to get an ornery streak said “Yup, let’s go!” and starts running. I try to keep up and finally track him through the furniture department, where he hid behind a chair. He jumped out and yelled “Gotcha Taffy!” I then chase him again down a hallway and through a door to the elevators, but can’t find him at all. I yell “Come on Phil, this isn’t funny anymore!” and then go back out the door to see if I missed him.
In the meantime, Phil came through another door and couldn’t find me so hopped on the elevator to the 4th floor to find the camper. I get on next elevator to try and catch up, for fear I am forever stranded at a JC Penney at a mall with no food court in the middle of nowhere.
Then, suddenly, I found myself awake walking into the bathroom.
Yes, I really dream this stuff…who could make it up?
I’m Jimmy Fallon’s secretary, and screening his calls and visitors. In the hotel lobby, his personal assistant shows up with a green housecoat that she found at the Goodwill. She’s thrilled, because she knows it will be perfect for his skit. You see, the one he had for the skit got ruined somehow, and she had to find a replacement. It is hideous….short sleeves, big pockets….and the color of baby food peas. He loves it….puts it on, with rollers and a scarf…it’ll be perfect. Fast forward to the bridge between the hospitals where I used to work, where we make our trek to the studio through the massive crowd of fans chanting “Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy Fallon!”. (yes, he’s still in the housecoat) After walking for what seems like miles, we reach a door where the security guard lets Jimmy through. I, however have become stuck in the midst of the fans, until I finally break through and get to the door. “Hey, it’s me Jimmy’s secretary.” I tell the guard. “I gotta catch up to him, because I have all his notes etc.” Well, the guard lets me in and suddenly I’m in what looks like a shopping mall. He walks me down the mall a way, then points me down the hallway. At a point in the hallway, the mall breaks off into five different directions. I asked which way do I go, and he says “It’s easy little lady. You simply go to the picture of John Wayne, then take that immediate right and you will be at the studio.” I found no picture of John Wayne, but did find myself suddenly in the fanciest bathroom I have ever seen. At that moment, my cat jumped on my head and woke me up.
I used to work in an independent drug store, which finally closed early this year, and that is where my dream begins. I am there, helping the owner clean out the store before I go to my “real” job. While on the way to my “real” job, I get a call from a former co-worker who tells me “I really miss you, but it’s all over facebook that you are getting fired and nobody is happy about it.” So, in anticipation, I schedule an interview for a medical office, which is to take place at a shopping mall. Interview scheduled for 10 am, however my car is in the shop, so I have to take the bus. I have to walk about a mile to the bus stop and also to the mall from where the bus drops me off. It is summer, but when I get off the bus, I have to drag my case on wheels through a mile of snow. I arrive early and decide to go to Sears and check out their “store must close sale”. While in there, I find my interviewer talking with a potential candidate for dr. This guy is a younger version of Sylvester Stallone mixed with Robert Downey Jr. While in there, I notice the floor in Sears is filthy, so I grab a broom and start sweeping away the mess. Since I haven’t found any real deals at Sears, I walk around the mall to kill a little time. About 2 stores down from the Sears, in front of the pretzel place is a group of people…..They are all men dressed in drag and one has his face and beard painted smurf blue. THAT is when my alarm went off.