The year of turning 60

It’s finally dawning on me….this is the year I turn 60. Yes….60. It wasn’t that long ago (or so it seems) that I couldn’t have imagined reaching the age of 20 because it seemed like a lifetime away. I remember when my grandparents were 60. I remember when my parents were 60. My friends and I have often had the “We can’t believe we’ll be 60” discussion. It’s a little weird, because on one hand, while 60 may not sound so old…on the other hand, it’s like, uggh 60. So, here are some ponderings on turning 60.
I should have listened to my mother more and not easily dismissed certain things she would tell me about getting older. She was just trying to prepare me for becoming older, and I brushed it all off. For instance: As a woman becomes older, she will get whiskers. True. Keep your tweezers handy at all times. As a woman becomes older, she won’t need to shave her legs as often. True. You might think this is because the leg hair quits growing, but I have found that is not the case. It turns grey…just like the hair on top of your head. Oh, let’s touch on the grey hair. Sure, you might think it won’t happen, or you might just decide to color your hair. Well….at some point, you look in the mirror and realize you are going to look like a skunk if you keep coloring, as fast as that grey is coming in. Do yourselves a favor, and just let it turn grey…it’s a lot cheaper that way. Which leads me to more thoughts on the hair.
Mother said as a woman gets older, she should keep her hair shorter. It will make her look younger. True…the weight of the long hair pulls your wrinkles down. Oh, and don’t think wrinkles won’t happen…I already have my mother’s neck. But I also have her shoulders, which still look pretty young. Which leads me to skin.
Mother always told us girls to never use soap on our face. She said soap would dry up our skin and make it look older faster. Well, that was one thing we took to heart, and all of us girls have really nice skin. (Sometimes, it pays off to listen to your mother.)
Weight….yes, weight gain happens. The metabolism changes in the body. You have to work harder to keep your weight down…as it just seems to come out of nowhere. Good gravy, this is the biggest I’ve ever been, with the exception of being 40 weeks pregnant carrying a 10 lb baby. Mother would always do what she called hip rolls at night…every night she would do these hip rolls before she went to bed…they kept her arse from getting wide she said. Guess what I’m going to start doing? Yup…should have listened to mother.
Aches and pains…yup…got those. My knees sometimes get stuck. My hips go out more than I do.
Teeth…I still have most of my teeth. My folks had dentures for as long as I can remember, and while they did some pretty cool stuff with those false teeth, I would really prefer to keep mine. I have a terrible dental phobia….I’d rather give birth to triplets with no medication. Which reminds me of the fact that there’s a reason we have children when we are younger. My almost 60 year old body could not take that…nor would I have the patience or the energy to be chasing around tiny tots all day long at this age. I’d be like a zombie….although…I find zombies very cool. Hmmmm.
But on a more serious note….there is one thing that just hangs in the back of my mind. I’m really healthy….aside from glaucoma and a thyroid problem, a numb hand and the occasional aches and pains that “are part of this age” (as my doctor says). But…there’s one thing. I’m turning 60….my mother was 60 once. She died at 67. I wish she were still around to tell me more stuff about when a woman gets older. Maybe I’d not dismiss it as easily.
The year of turning 60. I hope we all deal with it gracefully and well. Because not so long ago…we couldn’t imagine being this age.

Conversation at the Opthalmologist

Conversation at the eye doctors with 2 random strangers (older women sitting across from me) went something like this: 1st older woman yawns while having a conversation with her friend. I then yawn. 1st older woman says “It’s catching….sorry I should not have yawned.” I said “Yes, it’s contagious, but I’m getting older, so I yawn a lot more now.” 2nd older woman says “Oh, you have a long way til you are old.” I say “Well, in my head, I’m still 30, but my body is starting to tell me otherwise.” 2nd older woman says “Oh, 30….that was 60 years ago for me.” Well, I wasn’t sure I heard her right….because that would make this woman 90 years old. She certainly did not look 90, and even though she used a walker, she was gettin’ around pretty darned good. So, I flat out responded, sounding rather shocked, “60 years ago? No way! No way!” 1st older woman giggled and said “Yes way…she’s 90.” I replied “You’re pulling my leg.” 2nd older woman said “No, I’m 90.” I just plain said “Well, you look great! And honestly, I would have guessed you at 75.” Needless to say, she was thrilled, and proceeded to talk to me about how she stays so young. She worked til she was 80, and she works out with her theraband exercise bands every day doing bicep curls, etc. She hates sitting around…We agreed that it’s best to move around, and that being bored is just not tolerated. Gosh, she was great. I told her…”I hope I live to be 90.” I love conversations like that with random strangers, because suddenly, they aren’t strangers anymore.

When I am an old woman…

When I am an old woman, I will wear Serenity panty liners, so that I can feel fresh when I sneeze, laugh or cough. (Because those kegel exercises don’t work forever!)

I will go to the grocery store at least twice a week and only buy a couple cans of cat food, so that after I’m gone, the clerks can ask eachother “Does she really have a cat, or is that her dinner?”

I will maintain my independence by ordering a Hoveround, (You can get them for free!), so that I can go shopping with ease, and see sights like the Grand Canyon. According to the commercial, I will be able to do those things if I get one!

I will purposely buy thong underwear, so the young man at the register can say “Oh my Gawd, do you think she really wears those?”

I will get the Clapper, because evidently only old women use them!

I will proudly display my AARP card at all the finest facilities, and will start drinking coffee just to get 10 cents off a cup at my local diner!

When I am an old woman, I will wear Serenity panty liners, so that I can feel fresh when I sneeze, laugh or cough. (Because those kegel exercises don’t work forever!)