My Bad Joke Superman Dream

I am Supergirl, sitting at home, minding my own business, getting ready for a family gathering, when suddenly, a group of hideous looking evildoers busts through the door of my family home.  They say they are going to take over the world, but first, they have to take over Superman.  And, they have brought kryptonite to assist them in their evil plan.  They know he’s going to show up, and will take him down when he gets there.

Little do they know that kryptonite has very little effect on me.  However, if Superman does show up, the effects could be devastating!  So, I use my telepathic powers to alert Clark Kent to not come to the house for the get together.  Even though they have no idea that Clark and Superman are one in the same, we are certain that they will find out once Clark is exposed to the kryptonite.

The only other family member who could possibly help us is our cousin Dennis.  Dennis is a tall, lanky fellow with bleach blonde hair and is kind of the odd one out when it comes to super powers.  While he can fly, and change clothes in a phone booth quickly, he is not known for his great physical strength.  He is, however, really really good at telling really really bad jokes, and kryptonite has no effect on him whatsoever.  Also, he’s got this power to stare you down like nobody’s business.

Dennis slips out of the house to the phone booth outside, and comes back in.  He takes his stance, hands on hips, and stares down the evildoers.  There is practically fire coming out of his eyes, and they feel the burn.  Then, he proceeds to tell his bad jokes….a string of one liners that would have been triple x’d out on America’s Got Talent.

They beg him to stop, and eventually can’t take it anymore, and they give up.  Bad Joke Superman saved the world.




Skippy the Peanut Butter Dog

A long time ago….almost 13 years, at least 12, my sister went on a mission for me. I found a puppy on Petfinder down near Keokuk, IA. He was half bassett hound/half cocker spaniel. My sis went to check him out while she was down visiting family. This poor puppy was being fostered out (with the best of intentions by the adoption agency) in a house that unbeknownst to that agency was just littered in filth and squallor. Well, needless to say, my sis took him right out of that for me and brought him here. He was the funniest looking, yet cutest pup I ever laid eyes on. He had long hair, short legs and very very long ears. My youngest named him. Actually she named him about 8 times in about 10 minutes before settling on Skippy. You see, he was the color of peanut butter. We saved him that day.
Poor little Skippy missed his litter mates, and did not like being by himself at night. Skippy would cry at night, so I would spend every night for a couple months rocking him to sleep and singing “Molly Malone”, just like I did with my kids.
We had another dog at the time, and her name was Allie. She was older, and she took Skippy under her wing and they became buddies. Not long after that we had to put our Allie girl to sleep because she couldn’t walk anymore. Skippy saved us that day.
Skippy got attacked by another dog once. The neighbor jumped the fence to rescue him. He saved Skippy that day.
Skippy was long on ears and short on legs. His ears were so long, they would get in his water and food bowl. My youngest would put his ears up in her pony tail holders. He didn’t seem to mind.
He was unlike any other dog I have ever had…He never had accidents in the house as a puppy, and he was housebroken in 2 weeks. He didn’t beg (much), rarely barked, never growled and never howled that bassett hound howl (unless he wanted something or was calling for Emily). He could speak, he could shake, but he couldn’t sit pretty. (His legs were too short.) He minded, he listened, he walked well on a leash. He hated car rides….oh how he hated car rides. He would pant and whimper and shake. Never have I had a dog that hated the car so much. He loved all little kids, and would let them do anything to him. There was not a mean bone in his short legged body. But most of all, Skippy was perfectly happy just being a dog.
Skippy was getting old, and started getting old man problems. He had fatty tumors and skin tags, skin allergies, and he was getting heavy. Each time I would take him to the vet, I would ask…”Doc, is he still doing ok?” Doc would tell me…”He’s doing fine, he’s just getting old and has old man problems.”
Well, those old man problems finally took their toll on Skippy. His heart suddenly started failing and his abdomen filled with fluid. This time I couldn’t save Skippy. I made the best choice I could make….I know in my head it was the right thing. But, I’m having trouble convincing my heart of that….because it is breaking. And suddenly I feel like I’m 12 years old. I will miss Skippy the Peanut Butter Dog, and I will miss him and skippy 003