I am standing in my living room, but everything has been moved around. My curio cabinet is in the middle of the room, tipped over and half it’s size. The fireplace is over by the kitchen doorway, and the tv is where the curio cabinet used to be, only it’s in pulled out away from the wall about 3 feet. I can’t quite figure out who did it, and nobody will admit to it. So, I decide I’m going to go into the bathroom to take a shower.
I leave my living room and suddenly I am in the hallway of another building, looking for my bathroom. There are people wandering around, and point me in the direction of my bathroom which is in this other building. While entering the bathroom, I see someone walking a young gorilla. “What is this place?” I ask, and am told that it is a place for special gorillas who learn to communicate with sign language. Essentially, it is gorilla college.
As I close the bathroom door behind me, I realize I am in my parents’ old bathroom. I thought to myself this is fine because I know this bathroom. Suddenly, there is an alarm going off. This giant gorilla, who was called Kong…(go figure)…got loose, and he’s scared and he’s ginormous. Well, that’s just great because I can’t possibly take a shower with a giant gorilla running around.
So, I run back to my living room and say “Ok, we gotta go. The only place I can take a shower is in Port Byron, IL.” So, we jump in the car and drive. On the way, we have discovered that the highway is leading to unknown territory and all the signs are gone. We have no idea where we are going, and I said “Great…how the hell am I gonna get my shower now?”
I ended up in my parents’ old basement where, lo and behold there was a shower. Not only was there a shower, but there was also a secret room way in the back of the basement where people would go to work.
I had peanut butter before I went to sleep.
That moment when you put your hair in a towel after a shower, look in the mirror and realize….hey, the forehead wrinkles are almost nonexistant! Who needs to spend money on plastic surgery which generates all that speculation? Stars, just keep your freshly washed hair in your bath towel all day….then EVERYONE will know why you look different, and you’ll save yourself a bundle o money.
Camping with the family, we put the tent up, and start going through the supplies only to find that one of the children packed their guinea pig in a little tupperware container. Rather than let the little critter run loose in the tent, we have to go on the hunt for something to keep it in. While looking for something, we come across my uncles and my brothers who are in a fishing boat on the lake, so we invite them to come on over to our site.
Not far from the tent we find a building which has storage areas, laundry facility, shower, dressing rooms. While there we find an area which has shelves and racks and cages…which is perfect since we need one of those for the guinea pig. We grab one and immediately house the critter, at which time I get a call from my old high school p.e. teacher. The guinea pig is a bit nervous, so I have her sing it a song.
On the way back to the tent, we stop at a wooded area, where all my kids and their kids are at the playground. They are making a video in which the grownups dress up in goofy outfits and act afool, reciting made up rap songs.
We finally get to the tent, and settle in for the evening. The next morning, we go on up for a shower. As I am getting ready to take my shower, the lock on the door disappears, and Jimmy Stewart comes walking through looking for his wife.
At that time, I decide it’s time to go, because this place is just too strange for me. So we pack up and go home, only to remember there were people still sleeping in our tent and we forgot to grab the guinea pig.
You know it’s gonna be a bad day when you get out of the shower, take the towel off your head, look in the mirror and think “Funny, my hair looks awfully dry awfully fast” and then realize you actually forgot to wash your hair.