Conversation at the Opthalmologist

Conversation at the eye doctors with 2 random strangers (older women sitting across from me) went something like this: 1st older woman yawns while having a conversation with her friend. I then yawn. 1st older woman says “It’s catching….sorry I should not have yawned.” I said “Yes, it’s contagious, but I’m getting older, so I yawn a lot more now.” 2nd older woman says “Oh, you have a long way til you are old.” I say “Well, in my head, I’m still 30, but my body is starting to tell me otherwise.” 2nd older woman says “Oh, 30….that was 60 years ago for me.” Well, I wasn’t sure I heard her right….because that would make this woman 90 years old. She certainly did not look 90, and even though she used a walker, she was gettin’ around pretty darned good. So, I flat out responded, sounding rather shocked, “60 years ago? No way! No way!” 1st older woman giggled and said “Yes way…she’s 90.” I replied “You’re pulling my leg.” 2nd older woman said “No, I’m 90.” I just plain said “Well, you look great! And honestly, I would have guessed you at 75.” Needless to say, she was thrilled, and proceeded to talk to me about how she stays so young. She worked til she was 80, and she works out with her theraband exercise bands every day doing bicep curls, etc. She hates sitting around…We agreed that it’s best to move around, and that being bored is just not tolerated. Gosh, she was great. I told her…”I hope I live to be 90.” I love conversations like that with random strangers, because suddenly, they aren’t strangers anymore.

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My Arnold Schwarzenegger, Hotel, Strangers in front of the house dream

I am talking to a man, who looks familiar, but I can’t quite put my finger on who he is.  It turns out, he is traveling incognito.  Suddenly, on a screen, appears 2 pictures of Arnold Schwarzenegger.  One picture of how he looks today, and one of his much younger self, with both poses being from his Terminator nude scene.  I look over at the man and say “I thought you looked familiar.  That’s you, isn’t it?”  He said “Yes, I am one in the same.  Although if you will notice, I have a few more wrinkles on my backside now than in 1984.”

He’s in talks for a new movie with Jamie Lee Curtis, reprising their spy roles from True Lies, and he invites me along to the meeting.   The meeting is in this big, fancy hotel, the kind of hotel that only rich people can afford to stay in.  After meeting with and talking to Jamie, Arnold, the writers and other staff, I am offered a job.  It seems Arnold has told everyone that during our discussion, he was able to determine that I had a creative streak in me, and was a bit of a ham.  So, I was offered the opportunity to assist with the script and also to act in the movie.

Just as I had accepted the offer, my son and brothers come walking down the hall.  “Hey, are you ready to check out of this place yet?  We have to leave” They say.  So, we go to the front desk to check out, and when we leave, they ask “Where did you park your car?”  I said “What do you mean my car?  I didn’t drive here.  Where’s your car?”  So, we commence to the parking lot, which has turned into a giant field of grass.  There is but one lonely little car out in the north forty, and evidently it’s mine because they said “Oh, there’s your car!  Why the hell did you park all the way out here?”

We then drive to the house us kids grew up in (Which, by the way no longer exists, it was torn down in 2000) where we find our dad getting ready to go sit out front.  (Keep in mind, dad died in 2007.) While he is out front, we hear noises outside the front porch.  We look outside to find some strangers arguing and trying to get into the house.  They ran off when they saw us kids.  Suddenly, we think, where the heck is dad?  Did they take him?  So we frantically look and look, but to no avail.

Suddenly mother shows up with one of the blonde grandkids. (Mother died in 2001.) She said “Where’s your father?”  We call his cell phone, and he’s down at the tavern buying candy bars for us.  We said “Oh, we thought those strangers took you.  You better get home!  Mom’s here with one of the grandkids, and boy are you gonna be in trouble!”