I dreamed I was married to Jimmy Fallon and we decided I should take over the Tonight Show for a while because he wanted to be home with the kids. We left to go to taping and rehearsals, and when we returned, someone’s 98 year old Grandpa was waiting outside, and he was cantankerous. After we got inside, my mother called to inform me that 98 year old Grandpa just got dropped off because he was being too naughty during the Superbowl. Then, the doorman alerts Jimmy that my Aunt Donna has arrived. She was pretty famous in my dream, and as I was letting her in, Jimmy had all the kids’ friends dress up in costumes to greet her when she walked in. There were about 20 costumed kids in the living room. Aunt Donna was showing us gifts she had bought for my cousins. A guy who was with her claimed to be one of my cousins, but the jury is still out on that one. Aunt Donna said she missed working and I said “Well, I can get you a gig on The Tonight Show.”
So I had a dream that took place in the mall. I should have known right then this would not be a good dream, since I absolutely HATE the mall.
I am there to meet some folks from an organization that I am in for lunch/meeting. I am wondering around trying to find a place to eat. What I really want is Chick-fil-a, but I come across a Tastee Freeze. I was very excited by that, since there hadn’t been one there since I was a young mall employee. So, I decide to order from there.
There is one gal working there and she takes my order. It was a simple order really, consisting of a cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate shake. How hard could it be? Well, she takes my order, gives me my total, and I give her a ten dollar bill. So, in turn, she gives me change for $100.00. I said “Oh, but I gave you a ten, not a hundred.” She looks at me confused and says ok, and she takes the money back. Then, she starts taking other orders and filling those. However, mine has not been taken care of yet, nor have I gotten back my correct change. It has been 10 minutes. Suddenly, the gal says “Oh, we are out of napkins….I gotta run to Walgreens.” I said “But what about my order?” And off to Walgreens she runs.
She comes back, and the Tastee Freeze is not in a kiosk in the middle of the mall. I say to her “Listen….I have been waiting almost half an hour for my simple order AND my correct change! Now, THIS time, you give me my ten dollars back, and I am leaving, because NOBODY should have to wait this long.” She said “I can’t, I have to do this first.” Suddenly, she is photographing someone’s baby. As soon as she’s done, she hands me what she claims is my money, but to my surprise, it is 2 dirty napkins! I had enough at that point, and I told everyone there (including a preacher who walked up to the counter), NOT to order here, and told them “I have been waiting for 30 minutes, and gotten nothing! I asked for my money back, and she hasn’t given me anything yet….she owes me ten dollars! Take your business elsewhere!” Then I inform her I have contacted mall security because she tried to pass of 2 napkins (and used ones at that) as my money.
I then looked at her and said “Biotch, give me back my ten dollars!”
We are all on vacation, staying with family. Actually, our family is Mr and Mrs Brady…supposedly our parents. By we, I mean myself and husband, my kids and grandkids, and my friend Theresa with her husband and kids and grandkids. Evidently, we were all secretly Bradys. Who knew?
But, Mr Brady (our Daddy in this dream) comes to us all excited because he found a blue Mustang on Craigslist. It was being delivered that day. They were coming all the way from Wisconsin with this car. Well, my friend and I (sisters in the dream) said “Now, Daddy,. you can’t be too careful with Craigslist.” Even though we had some sightseeing to do, we decided it best if we hung around just to make sure this guy was on the up and up.
A couple hours later, this big camper pulls up with a blue car in tow. They unhook the car and take it into the 4 car garage. This car is the most beautiful blue color we had ever seen. Then we move to the inside. Everything is covered in this blue fake fur….Everything….including the steering wheel. There are speakers in the doors, speakers in the back, speakers in the dash. The first words out of my mouth were….”Oh, how 1970’s”….The man from Wisconsin said it was from 1974 and was custom made for him. His wife was tired of it, so she made him sell it. Daddy paid 11 grand for it. He said that was a bargain.
He jumped in, started it up, and man did that thing roar. The guy got his money, Daddy got the title, the couple left in their camper, and Theresa and I went to find a pasta bar.
We have to get somewhere…..it’s imperative. There is a sick or injured grandchild that we have to pick up and get to the doctor, and then get back to the apartment I used to live in. We can’t risk running out of gas in the car, or even getting a flat tire, so we have to take an elephant. Yes, that’s right…an elephant. Because, as we know, elephants can get through anything.
Our elephant is really big, and a bit stubborn, but we make it to our destination, get the grandchild, make it to the appointment and then back to the apartment where I used to live. There I find my sister and my kids waiting. The place looks the same, yet different. I go upstairs to find my old neighbor, but she isn’t there.
Suddenly, we hear neighbors yelling….”There’s an elephant in that driveway!” I look outside, and sure enough, our ride is still waiting outside…tied to the tree, just grazing away on whatever elephants graze on. And we ask ourselves “Where will we keep him?” After all, we had forgotten there was no garage big enough to house an elephant.
I’m a grown Marcia Brady, and I’m bringing the grandkids with me to visit the family. We are hiding from German Intelligence, because they seek my little Rosary bracelet made of Connemara marbles from Ireland. They insist it has hidden powers.
I get inside the Brady home, and everyone is there but Greg. He’s been gone for years, and they think he’s dead. I tell the folks that these people are coming, and they want my Rosary bracelet. Mike Brady (my dad in the dream….yes he was alive in my dream) decides he will wear it on his wrist and tuck it up inside his sleeve. Surely, he explained, they would never think a man would be wearing it.
They arrive, and storm the house, unsuccessful in their search. They decide to leave.
In the meantime, there is an announcement that they are looking for people to do a ghost hunt on a property, and we find this quite interesting, so we go to the property to find someone in some type of armor walking up and down an alley, clanking some sort of metal staff along the fence. We say “Why hide behind your metal? ” A few moments later, this little elderly man comes out. He explains he has been guarding the property for years, as have his ancestors, and he parks cars also. He meets with several of his fellow car parkers on a picnic table. He decided he has given up guarding the ghostly grounds, and must pass it on to someone younger.
Then, suddenly, back at the Brady household, someone falls through the doorway. It is Greg….He has been on a top secret mission as a spy, and has been missing for years. He had suffered some sort of terrible trauma, had been in a coma, and awoke, but is still in bad shape.
As I go in to see him, there is something coming across his portable radio. He hooks up my cell phone to this device, and the call is from Mark Henry (The WWE Wrestler), who is also a spy but masquerading as a truck driver. He has a special shipment, and needs to coordinate a meeting place.
Once Greg wakes up, we all pose for pictures.
There was a giant gorilla (or bear) loose in the neighborhood. It ended up on the front porch of the house I grew up in and eventually came through the front door. There were little kids upstairs playing, so to protect them, I took them into the attic. As I whispered stories to them to keep them entertained, we noticed a man sitting on the roof outside the attic window. Then, the giant gorilla (or bear) left.
Suddenly I am in a different house listening to Peggy Lee on the stereo. I went into the bathroom….oh, it had a beautiful blue clawfoot tub set above the floor on a pedestal. There was a sliding wood door that hooked shut. Outside the window, there were 2 coyotes trying to kill a pig at the neighbor’s. Immediately, my brother threw 2 chickens from the refrigerator into the neighbors yard and rescued all the animals. The coyotes got loose, we put a stray red doberman mix inside the fence and warned all the neighbors about the coyote. Then, my brother delivered the pig’s babies.
I really need to stop eating cheese before bed.