Last night, I dreamed there was a baby in my house. This baby wasn’t just any baby, mind you. This baby was mine, which totally shocked me, since I’m over 60. In my dream, I couldn’t help but wonder how on Earth I had a baby at my age. My mind started racing since I have nothing, and I mean nothing for a baby anymore.
All my grown up kids came by and looked at this cute little bundle of joy…this little blonde baby girl…and asked where she came from. Still in awe that I was even holding this little baby, I said “Hell, I have no clue, she just appeared. I found her in my room in a box. What am I going to do with a baby? I have no baby things….” So I started telling them what I needed and putting them in charge of finding things.
First thing I needed….a proper rocking chair. Poof, one appears in the front room. Then, I needed bottles, and diapers. Someone brought those in the house. Suddenly, I realize I have no crib, and she’ll have to sleep in a laundry basket. So, my husband says “I’ll take the car and go find a crib.” To which I reply “You are not taking my car…you have no driver’s license.” Then, I look out the window and notice all these big trucks outside, and the neighbors are racing go carts up and down the street. I opened the door and yelled, “I found a baby in my house and I have no crib….this baby needs a crib!” Well, one of the guys in one of those big trucks went to find me a crib.
Suddenly, poof, my old bassinet from when I was a baby appeared in my front room. I shouted with amazement, because my bassinet had long since passed on to bassinet heaven. Then, I look off to my right, and there’s a changing table. Poof, appeared out of nowhere.
I then tucked this little baby in the bassinet, and put that bassinet next to my bed, where the box I found her in had been. I laid down in my bed and went to sleep. I woke up from my dream, expecting to find a baby in a box…but all I awoke to was my new puppy with his bell on his collar running into my room.
I’m in a huge house, and getting ready to rent it out to a couple with some older boys. The house used to have a small church upstairs.
While showing the family the house, one of the walls breaks apart, (due to the boys rough housing), and underneath the drywall/concrete is a beautifully ornate wall. We can see upstairs through the top of the wall, and see several people in robes and gowns. They are mostly older men with long hair and beards, but also a few women. These people are in a room filled with huge shelves. To the left of that room is a small room with an ornate chair and a table, and to the left of that room is a small chapel. The older man with the long grey hair and beard comes down and asks for a pen. Then, he goes back up to the upper level.
Also, I find that one of the doors is broken now, because the man of the family shoved his wife into the door.
I met Carol Burnett and told her about my story, and she thought it would make a great skit if we added the word adept throughout. Afterwards, we walked around outside and I had to lock my purse and phone in the trunk of Carol’s car because someone was out stealing those at that moment. Carol was in a purple jumpsuit.
Later, we got my purse and phone out of her car and went on our ways.
So, I dreamed I knew The Monkees, and they (as young fellas) got booked at a biker bar in the South by an agent. I had to tell them it was a biker bar, and although I know some bikers who like the Monkees, this was likely not that kind of group. Their Agent told them it was a much different venue. The mister said “You know the Monkees?” I said “Oh, sure, I used to talk to them on the phone all the time.” So, while I was getting ready to tell them the clientele was not young teenie bopper girls, I was distracted by something in my daughter’s old room. I went in to find someone running out in this costume….wearing a furry stuffed animal head, with some sort of pillow case attached to where you could not see the arms. This person took off out the door, so I went to find him/her. Only thing I found was some dogs running loose in another neighborhood. A collie, a greyhound and a spaniel. When I got home, my sister Trish was here with tacos and flowers to take to a cemetery. And we were out of mountain dew.
I am at the mall waiting for my daughter so we can go shopping for her birthday treat. I have some time to kill, so I decide I’m gonna be-bop around the mall to get some ideas for her. However, I don’t really want to walk, so I take a spin around on one of those hoverboard things. (Or was it a hoveround?)
She shows up after my little jaunt, and we start wondering around. We stop outside a new bookstore, and I see someone I used to work with. His name is Bob, and he is with the daughter of our old boss. I yell “Bobby!” and he turns around and asks if that is my oldest daughter. I said “No, Bobby, that is my youngest.” To which he responds ‘It’s nice to see her completely mobile!” Well, my youngest wondered what he was talking about. I responded “Well, you see, the last time he saw you, you were always in a cast.”
At that point, she decided to go into the new book store. Not only did this store have books, but it had snacks. Both healthy and unhealthy. We opted for the unhealthy side, and my daughter decided to get a piece of chocolate cake topped with chocolate brownie and chocolate candy shavings.
While we are standing there, the woman behind me is crowding me and smushing me into the counter. I was trying to be nice, stating I could not move, but she just didn’t take the hint. When it was time for me to pick my treat, (I had picked the same chocolate cake…surprise surprise) I tried reaching into my back pocket and got a handful of her ass as she had her back against mine. I had had enough…and I said “Listen bitch, you have been up against my ass this whole time, and I need to get into my damn back pocket!” Then I woke up…probably right before I kicked the snot out of her.
Negan sends his troops out to get their acquisitions from Rick. Little does he know they have planned quite the surprise. I am on the inside of Negan’s camp tending to a little child. Daryl Dixon and Jesus are on the outside. We lure Negan to one of his warehouses, with Daryl on the roof making noises. Once we get Negan into the warehouse, Daryl drops some smoke bombs and all the exits are locked.
Then…..Jesus starts playing “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” by Wham…over and over and over again. Negan yells…”Make it stop! I hate that song…make it stop!” And in between the smoke and music distractions, I grab the little child and start running, because the troops are coming in.
We weave our way through the smoke as a giant truck carrying troops with their gas masks and guns crashes through a wall. They are rooting out any left over Saviors that may be lurking around before they make their way to the being tortured by Wham version of Negan. Negan is now just a fraction of the man he once was, crying, begging to stop the constant playing of that song.
We make it outside to another truck, and yes, they have room for me and the little child. The troops have rounded up Negan and he is properly secured and they have saved him for Rick and Maggie. As we are loading up the truck, we see Rick and Maggie and crew come out of a cornfield with nothing but revenge in their eyes as they head toward Negan’s containment. Perhaps they will feed him dog food prior to seeking justice….. To be Continued…..
I am in the living room of a house. Along with me are my kids, my grandkids, and John Travolta and his wife. Mrs. Travolta and I were chatting away when John asks if I remember when I understudied for Olivia Newton John in Grease. My kids were stunned….they had no idea. “Well, kids” I explained, “This is a well kept secret, but yes, I understudied for Olivia Newton John in Grease….the Sandy role.” John’s wife said “Yes, it’s true…I have seen the footage and the pictures.” So, of course we had to prove it to them.
John Travolta starts singing “You’re The One That I Want .” and we just went into the routine, right there in the living room. Of course we are a bit older than back in the day of filming Grease, but man, does ol’ John still have the moves.
We get to the part where Danny picks Sandy up in the routine and my rings on my right hand (I wear a LOT of rings) get stuck in his shirt under his jacket. So, John Travolta and I are just stuck together. Sad day in my life. Not really.